How to get away with love
by Kaoritears
Summary: Arizona has to face the failure of her personnal life. it's been 18 month since the break up, and she's starting to fall. My firts calzona FF. Hope you'll enjoy it. French disponible. I'm sorry if my english is not good!
1. Chapter 1

It was the same routine. A series of bonds without any interest, for her or for anyone.

She woke up, feeling melancholic, sad, unhappy. She looked in the mirror on the wall opposite to her bed for long minutes.

It was not a ritual, just something like a need to come back on earth and remember how the life she led now no longer suited her.

By losing Callie, she had lost everything.

More than she would have thought. The plane crash had already changed many things in her.

She had discovered a dark side of her personality that had frightened herself.

She had discovered resentment, bitterness towards the one who had promised to do everything to save her leg.

The loss of her leg was actually an excuse to bring his wife respnsible of the trauma of the accident, the moral and physical pain endured in this forest for days.

When her marriage began to falter, she had to try to reason, to stop the bleeding. She had pretended to find the happiness with Callie, forgetting her own personality.

This had walked a while, but the meanders of the crash was quickly recaptured.

She had committed the irreparable, the fault that Callie would not have forgiven her.

The storm had passed, they had tried everything in giving a new start, buying a house.

But this hasty reconciliation was once again brutally concluded by a break up. Callie could not take the role of the consenting victim and had preferred to stop everything when she, Arizona, realized that she had managed to make peace with herself and with her wife. But it was too late.

They had to stop everything. For a moment or forever ...

She had alaways feel a little bitter to her ex-wife. she have been told all these things so personal and so strong. This declaration of love was completely shredded by the Callie's words.

She wanted her to feel free. She vaguely understood the meaning of his words, but she did not really try to go after reflection.

Always staring , facing the mirror, she emerged slowly.

She rubbed her head, face and stretched.

Then she slipped on the edge of the bed and stood up.

Direction the bathroom, without much enthusiasm, then put her prosthesis in place. Dressing quickly, swallowing a coffee and go to the hospital without envy.

This is what was her so called life now, in this small apartment that she hated so much.

* * *

C'était la même routine. Un enchaînement d'obligations sans aucun intérêt, ni pour elle ni pour personne.

Elle se réveillait, mélancolique, triste, malheureuse. Elle se regardait dans ce miroir accroché au mur en face de son lit pendant de longues minutes.

Ce n'était pas un rituel, juste un moment nécessaire pour redescendre sur terre et se rappeler comment la vie qu'elle menait actuellement ne lui convenait plus.

En perdant Callie, elle avait tout perdu.

Plus que ce qu'elle n'aurait pensé. Le crash de l'avion avait déjà changé beaucoup de choses en elle.

Elle avait découvert un côté sombre de sa personnalité qui lui avait même fait peur.

Elle avait découvert la rancune, l'amertume envers celle qui lui avait promis de tout faire pour sauver sa jambe, de ne pas l'abandonner.

La perte de sa jambe n'était en fait qu'une excuse pour faire porter à sa femme le traumatisme de l'accident, la douleur morale et physique endurée dans ce bois pendant des jours entiers.

Lorsque son mariage avait commencé à vaciller, elle avait essayer de se raisonner, de stopper l'hémorragie. Elle avait feint le bonheur pour retrouver la Callie qu'elle aimait, en oubliant sa propre personnalité.

Cela avait marché un temps, mais les méandres du crash l'avait vite rattrapés.

Elle avait commis l'irréparable, la faute que Callie ne lui aurait pas pardonné.

La tempête passée, elles avaient tenté le tout pour le tout en se donnant un nouveau départ, en achetant une maison.

Mais cette réconciliation trop hâtive c'était une fois de plus conclue de manière brutale par une rupture. Callie ne pouvait plus tenir le rôle de la victime consentante et avait préféré tout arrêter au moment ou elle, Arizona, se rendait compte qu'elle avait réussi à faire la paix avec elle même et avec sa femme. Mais il était trop tard.

Il fallait tout arrêter. Pour un moment ou pour toujours...

Elle en voulait toujours un peu à son ex-femme. L'avoir laissé dire toutes ces choses si personnelles et si fortes. Cette déclaration d'amour avait été complètement déchiqueté par les mots de Callie.

Elle voulait qu'elle se sente libre à son tour. Elle comprenait vaguement le sens de ses mots, mais elle ne voulait pas vraiment essayer d'aller au bout de la réflexion.

Toujours le regard dans le vide face à ce miroir, elle émergeait doucement.

Elle se frottait la tête, le visage et s'étirait.

Puis elle se glissait sur le rebord du lit et se levait.

Direction la salle de bain, sans grand enthousiasme, puis mettre sa prothèse en place. S'habiller rapidement, avaler un café et partir vers l'hôpital sans envie.

Voilà à quoi ressemblait ses réveils depuis son aménagement dans ce petit appartement qu'elle détestait.


	2. Chapter 2

It was night when she arrived at the hospital.

She was doing everything she could to avoid Callie and her other colleagues for months now.

She chose the least desired schedules, holidays.

Suddenly, her phone rang, she picked:

-Hey! How are you?

-Hey ... Great and you ...

-Well ... What a good mood!

\- Listen Teddy, I'm already late for rounds, so I call you later, okay?

\- OK ... see ya later !

She sighed. Not that it bothered her that Teddy would call, but she would not talk.

She knew her friend could tell she really was not going well. So, better avoid talking about painful subjects.

On her arrival in rest room, she put on her blouse. She grabbed her files when Callie entered the room, smiling and talking with Meredith.

\- Hello! Meredith said to break the silence of the meeting.

\- Hi Mer! She replied.

\- Hello Arizona, Callie said softly

\- Hey ...

She fled, grabbing a record in the process.

\- Well ... let out Meredith.

\- What? Callie asked

\- Nothing. I think it was pretty cold atmosphere as right?

\- No, well I don't know. I don't care actually. I have nothing to tell her anyway.

\- And ...

\- And then what?

\- I don't know. I think she wasn't well... And we haven't see her for a few weeks. Finally I don't see her a lot. Neither the meetings or at work ... I 'm just saying.

Callie sat and rolled his eyes. Meredith had just raised an important point.

\- Callie, I know it's none of my business but I think that Arizona is not going well. I don't know what happens if it has to do with your break, but I tell you what I feel. She was not going well right after your separation, but she seemed to move forward a few weeks after it. Now I don't recognize her anymore.

\- The problem is that I think you're right, but it's not for me to handle it. Not anymore. We are separated, it seems to put distance between us. I can't help her doing it. I'm the one who propose the final break up, and for good reason when she was ready to start over with me and Sofia.

\- Don't you think she just needs friends, that her condition is not from your separation but something else?

-I don't know, and I don't want to know. The misfortunes of my ex-wife who won't talk to me, I do not want to hear about it.

Meanwhile, Arizona had accelerate, putting the greatest possible distance between her and Callie. As soon as she saw her, she felt bad.

It was not her that asked for a break up. She was devastated the first weeks, but she seams, as in the past, to deal with the situation and act as if everything was ok with his ex-wife.

And as always, hiding her true feelings was useless. The truth always catches up.

And then Arizona sank completely, not knowing what to do to try to keep ther heads above water.

But did she really try to get better? Did she really want to be okay?


	3. Chapter 3

In the morning, at the end of her shift, she passed to Joe for the first time in months.

She sat at the counter lonely.

She looked around her and was relieved not to meet any of her colleagues.

She ordered a tequilla, without really knowing why. The bartender hesitated, making her understand that it was still early.

\- I pay so serve me!

So he served her a drink, she went on quickly with other glasses. 2,3,4,5 ... The sixth straight glass, she felt the effects of alcohol begin to take over her reason.

Meanwhile, April entered the bar. She smiled, perceiving her friend.

\- Hey! Arizona!

\- Hey ...

She quickly noticed that she had been drinking.

\- Well, do you think that's reasonable at this hour?

\- Yes, that's what the best thing i've done in my life for weeks!

April looked. She had not seen Arizona for several weeks.

\- You changed your Schedule? We do not meet almost.

-Yeah ! Another good things i've done in my life too.

\- And you aren't answering to messages or calls either?

\- Nope !

\- And Alex told me that you have found an apartment? You could tell us, we make a little party.

-Karev, learn to shut up! Fuck!

April did not understand the cold and distant behavior of her friend.

-Are you sure you're okay Arizona?

\- Yes, I obviously am? I celebrate!

\- And what are you celebrating ?

April was angry. Seeing Arizona in a that state shocked her. She thought she would have ask from her sooner. The young woman seemed to be the shadow of herself. Her sunken eyes, she seemed to have lost weight, her face drawn and alcohol abuse did frighten April.

-You are not going well, are you ?...

-Yep, I'm fine. I just spent a long, hard shift. But I'll get over it, as always.

As she said this, seeming to convince herself, tears began to flow from her big blue eyes.

\- Oh, Arizona ...

\- It's nothing, don' worry! I'm tired!

\- I think it's more than that. You can tell me!

\- No, I swear, tired, nothing else !

\- I can help you maybe ...

\- Yes, stop questioning me and let me finish my little party.

-Arizona, is please! Tell me what ...

April had no time to finish the sentence that the hand of Arizona swept all that was on the counter.

\- Leave me alone! She screamed. I don't need someone to take care of me!

She got up from her stool. But under the influence of alcohol and exhaustion, she put her weight on her prosthesis and lost her balance. In her fall, her head hit the corner of a table. She collapsed to the ground and April rushed to her.


	4. Chapter 4

A headache ...

It was the first feelings she had when she woke up.

She touched her head several times and felt a bandage that came down to her eye.

It was hard to regain his senses. Everything revolved around her.

She would get up, but knew immediately that she can not do it immediately.

As she tried to concentrate to regain her senses , the door opened.

April came in and approached her.

\- How are you?

Arizona murmured something she did not understand.

\- You have nothing serious, just a nice bruise around the eye ... It took everything. You got lucky.

\- Woah, talk about a chance ... I'll have to wear an eye patch? And become the first doctor Robot / Pirate of the world?

They laughed both. April had not admitted Arizona to the ER. She had called Amelia to help transport her to the hospital.

\- Thank you for not making me go through the ER ...

\- For so little, I told myself that it was not worth the trouble.

\- There is not much that worth anythinh with me ...

They were interrupted by Meredith caming to rest in the on-call room.

May I? She asked

Yes, I was going to leave, answered Arizona.

No sooner does she raised , she felt bad.

\- Oh, oh! Rest before you get up!

\- April is good, I'll call a cab and go home ...

\- I think that April is right, Meredith interrupted. I do not know what happened to you, but you're not ready to go home. So rest here an hour or two.

\- I don't need a babysitter. I can handle it alone.

\- No you stay there!

April seized Arizona's bag containing all her papers, payment and phone, and left the room quickly.

\- Kepner!

She was forced to face the facts, she could not leave right away. She lay back, and turned to the wall, trying to avoid Meredith.

\- You want me to look at your eye?

\- I'm fine thank you ...

Meanwhile, Amelia entered the room, folder in hand.

-Hey, this is THE place to be, this room?

Arizona does not even turn. Amelia approached her bed and said:

\- Robbins, I know you won't be happy but I have taken the liberty of making you a blood test. Given the state in which you seemed to be after April, I thought ...

\- You have nothing else to do?

\- Listen, me I like you, you're nice girl. So I am a little concerned when I see things like that ... Anyway, I was right. It was not just alcohol in your cocktail ...

\- Fuck you! It's all I'll tell ya !

Arizona, stood up. She slowly walked to the door and went out.

Meredith turned to Amelia.

-What you mean exactly?

-Kepner found her drunk at 7am. She could not stand and fell.

\- I understood, I mean... the cocktail?

\- Oh ... Well, in fact, she was drunk. But added a big amount of morphine and various drug and you get an idea of her blood results.


	5. Chapter 5

Arizona could not have go very far. She had sat down on a bench in a corridor.

Staring into space, she sighed.

She was joined by Meredith. She sat beside her without saying a word.

They remained silent a long time.

\- All I have in my blood is legal. Some of the drug has really been prescribed to me. Between my night terrors and phantom-limb pain, I need it regularly.

\- And morphine?

\- It's... Just casual. When I feel that everything is crumbling around me, when I miss Sofia too much, when a day goes wrong. It keeps me from thinking. It takes away all the pain. I have just took too much tonight. I had a hard watch. I lost a patient that I followed for several months. You know what I mean ...

\- Yes. I see you told me a bunch of crap. I see above all that you're not ok.

There was a long silence. And suddenly, he was interrupted by a scream. A scream of pain mixed with tears. Meredith had managed to make Arizona surrender. She let out this scream and nothing seemed to calm her.

Meredith took her hand and tried to reassure her.

\- You need to let it go. Cry, scream! Let everything go!

Arizona could not hide her weakness. Tears ran down her cheeks and her breathing became difficult.

\- Come on, let's go for coffee.

The two women crossed the corridors to the cafeteria. They settled and Arizona could barely control her tears.

\- You want to talk aout it? Or shall I call April?

\- No, I'm fine. I think ...

\- Arizona, shit! You're a doctor! You know what you did was dangerous!

\- It is not you who will give me advice!

The coldness of Arizona and her angry look surprised Meredith. She wasn't obviously her closest friend but she had this the picture of a dynamic woman, playful, frank and invincible. She was like her when she struggled to recover from the crash, but she seemed to have found her perky character back.

\- I have my own problems! I was in the fucking plane too and I lost much more than you! So if you want to fall down, c'mon be my guest! I can not force you to help you, but I can listening to you.

\- Now that you're buddy with my ex? So you can talk about it...

\- I don't know what is happening between you and your ex-wife, but know that Callie did not tell me about you or your problems.

-She doesn't speak, that's obvious. No problem, for sure! Don't let me see my daughter more than two hours a week, that's not a problem ...

\- I am aware about that.

\- Good for you! I don't know it for a long time. And it's a lawyer that has taught me. "Dr. Robbins, we have the pleasure to inform you that you have the opportunity to see the child Sloan-Torres 2 hours a week on Saturday morning, in the presence of social workers. "It is a beautiful gift right?

Meredit didn't know the whole story.

She discovered that Callie had hired a lawyer to try to get exclusive custody for Sofia.

He had apparently worked well since a few weeks after having been hired, he obtained that Arizona can no longer see her daughter more than a few hours a week.

She had not had the balls to talk about it to her ex and everything was done through a lawyer.

\- I will seem intrusive to you but it is a few weeks ago right? I noticed your behavior change for several months.

\- I don't know what you mean. And let me. Tell Kepner to let my bag in my locker. I have another key . I'm going back home. Away from this stinking hospital!

\- Arizona ...

She cut the conversation and stood. Leaving she wan't felling and was forced to sit on a low wall of the ER . She stretched and sighed.

She was facing her own fears. She knew Meredith was right. She wasn't Ok for months now. The memories of her happy life with Callie and Sofia haunted her. She couldn't go ahead. She felt guilty for having failed her wedding. She was mad at Callie too, especially because she have initiated the break up that seemed to be the last one.

They had gone through so much, so many separations. But she thought that Callie was her soul mate, the one intended for her.

But even if time goes by, nothing seemed to bring them back together this time.

And the episode of the Sofia's custody had finally destroyed all hopes.

She could no longer pretend to be fine. But she would not show iher weaknesses. Therefore She decided not to have contact with Callie or people around her.

She still loved her. Probably even more than before. But she was tired of it. She wished she was able to forget her and move fordward, even if she wasn't ready. The one thing that keeps her in Seattle was Sofia.

She would have given anything for her daughter. But at the same time, she represented a link with Callie, and this often make everything difficult to handle.

Arizona got up and went home on foot, taking her time.

While walking, she crossed a lot of people, families, couples. And she couldn 't help thinking about Callie. She did not want to, but brought it back to her.

Arrival home, she opened the door, going into this apartment so insignificant.

She lay on her bed, removed her prosthesis and began to cry softly

* * *

I want to thank you for your reviews !

I know my english is terrific, but forgive me ! I'm trying !


	6. Chapter 6

One more day, still no desire to continue.

Even if her love for Callie was always present, the only thing that gave her the necessary energy to going on was her daughter.

Besides, she had to see her this morning.

She went to the offices where Stephen, the social sservice worker in whose presence she was allowed to see his daughter was waiting for her.

For her, it was nothing other than a prison visitation room...

But whatever. She would be there and wouldn't lose one second with her daughter.

She went into the room and greeted Stephen. It wa n't a bad person. He had taken the time to listen and understand the Sofia's story.

Arizona was very honest and hadn't hidden anything from him.

He had been listening to her and gave her the reasons why the judge had agreed to Callie's request.

Her lawyer had emphasized the emotional fragility of Arizona since the crash and her instability.

\- Don't worry, it's only temporary. The judge asked a psychiatric certificate of your health. You will have to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and discussed with him. It will assess the veracity of these accusations. You seem to me to be a strong person Dr. Robbins. After everything you've been through, even if you have made mistakes, you'll get out of it. If the expertise of the psychiatrist is positive, you will get joint custody of your daughter. Your ex-wife can do nothing against you legally because you have all the legal papers attesting that Sofia is your daughter.

\- Thank you ... It makes me feel a little better to hear such words.

Moments later, the door opened and Callie went in with Sofia in her arms.

This is the first time she drove her daughter in this room.

She approached the table where Arizona and Stephen were installed.

\- Hello Dr. Torres, says Stephen

\- Hello. Hey! She said towards her ex. Your eye? What happened to you?

\- Hello ... hey hello my baby! Come to see me!

\- I'm sorry, I'm10 minutes late. She did not want to put on her shoes on. You could keep a little her later ...

Arizona did not look at her and did not reply.

\- Arizona, are you listening?

She dd'nt want to confront her ex. She was only here for her daughter. She tenderly hugged her and go walking into the room.

\- Arizona?

\- It doesn't matter, just take her here ast usual . I don't want any trouble. Everything is written on this paper: visiting hours "9:30 to 11:30". I don't want to face your delay and have to justify anything that i'm not guilty of . Sofia will be ready at 11:30. If you're not there, I will let her with Stephen...

\- Arizona ... This is not easy for me .. This is not what I wanted.

\- But that's what you did. You wanted a separation, you got it. You wanted what's happening here, you got it. But it is true that you have done EVERYTHING or because of me. ALL you have done in your life for years was always done according to me! Now that I am no longer in your life, I see that you seem to move forward fast enougn. And you know what, get away! You're not supposed to be here when I'm with my daughter. Have a nice day Dr. Torres.

\- I want us to speak. You are available for lunch?

Arizona was not listening and had began toplay with Sofia .

\- Arizona answer me!

\- Dr. Torres, I think you should leave, said Stephen

Callie was then escorted to the entrance. She sighed and went back to his car, tears in her eyes.

Meanwhile, Arizona took every second with her daughter.

She asked her about her day, tell her how much she missed her. She was laughing with Sofia, hugging and kissing her.

But very soon, it was 11:30, she got up and kissed her baby for a long moment.

\- I love you Sofia. I miss you every minute. You are my baby, and I love you!

\- Dr. Robbins, you do not have to leave so soon.

She smiled at Stephen to tears and gave a little sing of the hand towards her daughter.

\- See you soon my dear!

Sofia seemed not to understand what was happening and she smiled:

\- I love you to the moon Mama!

\- And back!

She walked to the door and went away.

Leaving the building, unfortunately she met Callie.

\- But ... You're really gone at 11:30 ?

Arizona did not stop and kept walking. Callie followed her.

\- But answer me! I tell you that you could ..

She was shocked to see her ex wife face so cold and the sadness in her eyes.

Arizona stopped, facing back from faraway her ex wife. She sighed, closed her eyes and went on her way, without turning.

A few meters later, devastated by the pain, she turned and yelled to Callie.

\- Go to the end of things! Asked Amelia and Grey how you can complete your record against me! They have e lot of things to tell you if it's not already done! There's even blood results! So go for it! Take your daughter, and disappear From life! But never try to speak to me again! You hear me! Never!


	7. Chapter 7

Callie had moved to a table at the back of a restaurant in a sober decor.

She had chosen this place because it was close to the hospital and as was recently opened.

The two women didn't have no common memory here, and there might be easier to discuss.

She had managed to convince Arizona to join her for a discussion, two days after their altercation in the street.

She had contacted her by email, without giving too much detail, but making her understand the importance and emergency of the meeting. Arizona had given her a day and an hour, she has to choose the place.

She had just finished her day's work, and was very nervous.

She saw her ex wife enter and asked the waitress where she was.

She still had her sad eyes and that cold face.

\- I warn you. I do'nt want to be there, I don't want it to be long. So I listen to you, but hurry up and do not expect that I stay with you for diner.

\- If you're on the defensive while I have not told you ...

\- let's go girl! Tell me your bullshit, get it over quickly.

\- Watch me at least ...

Arizona turned her head toward the exit.

\- Here you are... happy?

\- No, I'm not happy. Can you tell me what is happening? You don't wanna see me, ok I can understand, but why after more than a year. I thought we had managed to become friends. We crossed at work, we talked, we even worked together on several issues.

\- I've changed my mind. I don't want to have anything to do with you, outside of common decision about Sofia. That's it. And that's already too much.

\- That's what I thought ...

\- What do you mean?

\- I understood all that, but I wanted to be sure. And to make you admit it, I was forced to run this stupid procedure. You think I have contacted that lawyer like that, just for spite? I wanted you ... I wanted you to come talk to me. Tell me frankly before we come to this extreme position!

\- You kidding me? You want me to believe that all this is because I no longer talki to you ? Because I was sulking? You went to take my daughterout of my life! And I thought I was mad!

\- I'm not proud of myself. I didn't know how to make you react. I saw you drowning above water slowly without understanding why, and without knowing what I could do.

\- Good idea! Next time take a gun and shoot me in the head, it will have the same effect!

\- Arizona! I did not know what to do! I didn't understand! You changed all your schedules to not cross me and not to see your friends either.

\- I do what I want, I'm grown up.

\- But why are you reacting like that?

\- You want me to explain to you, don't you understand?

\- No! I don't understand ...

\- Because I love you!

There was a long silence. Arizona would get up and leave, but Callie grabbed her arm.

-Arizona, wait ...

She sat back against and suddenly Callie stared into her eyes.

\- You want to know everything? You let me down. You had your reasons, I understood despite myself. That night, at the end of our 30 days break, after all I have told you, without restraint, you threw me like nothing. I know I made unforgivable mistakes, but now I can tell you that you were obnoxious! And yet I have said nothing, I let you go. I didn't want to feel "free" as you have told me. I wanted you, and Sofia, in our house.

\- I had to tell the truth ... What I felt ...

\- Well, you did, and straightforward ... but stupidly, I thought something was going to happen. We would'nt end up like that. We had break up several times. I agree that after my affair, we get back together very too soon. But I hoped, ... A gesture a chance ... and nothing happen. And as I made you choke and nothing changed, I was not able to pretend any longer. To act as if we were friends. We have never been friends. I loved you from the first time I saw you.

\- Arizona ...

\- And yes, I wanted to stop hurting myself and squeeze you out of my life. But it was even worse. I missed you more. I even tol myself that barely meet you a few seconds in a hallway could be enought for me to be happy. But no. I even thought about ...

\- About what ?

\- Not seeing Sofia anymore, because she represents the last link I have with you.

\- But she's your daughter! Do You hear what you say!

\- And you saw how far you can go! I even think it was a sign of destiny when I received this paper from the Judge!

\- You ... I feel like a total stranger is in front of me!

\- Callie! You have nothing to say to me! Viewing the craziness of what you have done to try to talk to me again!

They looked for a moment and Arizona broke the silence:

\- We are The worst mothers! Ever !

\- I am ashamed! Our poor baby! I'm going to stop this madness! Tomorrow morning I call my lawyer!

\- Okay ...

\- And about what you were talking the other day ...

\- You've spoken with Grey?

\- Yes. She told me everything ...

\- There, that look of pity. Like when I came back from Boise ...

\- What are you talking about ?

\- This look of pity. Poor Arizona ... She lost her leg, she cheated on her wife, she lost her wife ... She almost taking drugs now ... What a wasted life...

\- Stop! Stop complaining! When will you understand that people want to help you? Helping someone does not mean pity!

\- God thank you, you are there, holy Callie!

\- You are unfaire!

\- Yes; and bitter!

\- We're back at the same point !

\- Yes I know ...

\- Could we meet again in a few days ... Time to clear our minds?

Arizona got up, sighed, and smiled at Callie

\- I think it is a good idea. I need to take a little time to let it all go...

\- Arizona, I think ... I mean ... I think we really have to stop hurting ourselves.

\- You're right. I am going. I recontacted you soon so we'll talk about all this.

She walked away, leaving Callie alone at her table.

She had smile ! Even if that smile was a smile of relief, her face was lit for a few moments. And this little glimmer seems to upset Callie, more than she could have imagined.

Let me know what you think about chapter 7 !

Thanks for following me !


	8. Chapter 8

**Again, I want to thank you for reading that FF.**

 **Some of you tell me that they don't recognize Arizona.**

 **To help you understand, in my mind, she's the same woman you saw in the first episode of season 9 : bullying callie, mad at her, bitter …**

 **But things are starting to change !**

 **Hope you enjoy chapter 8 ! Don't hesitate to post reviews !**

…...

Callie had trouble finding rest that night.

She blamed herself for taking the situation so far away. She reacted in the wrong way.

What was done was done. At least she had managed to communicate with Arizona. She had almost understood the reasons for that cold reaction from er ex wife.

Arizona still loved her. Even if she was angry against her, she said: "I still love you."

Those words and little smile had upset Callie.

She hadn't really suffered from the separation. Of course she was often nostalgic. She remembered the happy days daily.

Every corner of the house, each object was a part of that happy family life she had dreamed of.

But Arizona was right, they had move back together too fast. This is not a simple bandage that can heal such a wound, especially after the Lauren episode ...

They both were convinced that everything went well. But they still kept resentments towards each other and had not clearly expressed them.

This is what led Callie breaking up for good during this last appointment with the therapist.

After that, she didn't seam to experienced difficulty in living without Arizona. It didn't made her happier, but she had felt more freedom. She lived for her, without thinking what her ex-wife might feel or think.

She felt relieved. But what could it really mean?

She hadn't allowed herself what feelings she felt for Arizona right now.

She still think about her, it was obvious. But was it love or simple compassion over their years together?

She got up and went into the kitchen.

She was nervous because all of these thaught returned completely her mind.

She took her phone and hesitated a few seconds. She decided to call Arizona, who, by the late hour was in the hospital. She get to the voicemail, which seam easier.

\- Hey! This is ... This is ... Callie My God I don't even know why I'm calling you ... I ... How are you? You ... I ... uh ... I ... I thought ... Call me back me please.

She sighed as she hung up.

\- I'm pathetic ...

... ... ...

Arizona had finished her watch. She came out of the OR, where she had operate suffering from a brain tumor, assisted by Amelia. They were both in the locker room.

-Hey, good job Robbins.

-Thank you ...

\- You still grumpy ? You know, I haven't told anyone, and i won't. I know that you were not an addict. But you should meet someone to start a kind of therapy before it ' too late. I don 't say this to annoy you, but I know what it is, so don't do the same mistakes i've made.

Arizona smiled. She knew that Amelia had gone through a very difficult period and had also tried to escape reality by taking drugs and drinking.

\- I ... thank you ... I'll think about it.

Arizona looked at her phone she noticed that she had a message on her voicemail. She listened. Huging up, she smiled.

\- It was good news if you smile? No?

\- What? Ah ... Yes, if you want.

\- It was Torres, I bet..

Meanwhile, April entered the room. She looked at Arizona and approached.

\- What happens with Torres?

\- April ... You're not going to try something, are you ? ...

\- Of course, I am ! I'm just getting starting actually!

Arizona laughed. She had not done it in so long that it surprised herself.

\- April, I'm sorry about the other day.

\- It's allright. I just want you to know ... you're my friend. I'll be there for you! For good and bad times! You were there when I was down. You have supported me. So I will do the same for you. Always!

Arizona sighed and let a tear fall from her blue eyes.

\- C'm on Ladies ! let's make a hug!

Amelia guided them towards each other, and the two young women took their arms around one another. April felt the pressure and stress escaping from her friend's body

\- I'll be there for you! Anytime!

\- Come On! Let's celebrate all that love that is in the air! I offer you a drink at Joe's! Said Amelia.

The two women smiled and followed her.

…...

Callie was with Merdith.

The two women met regularly since their family explode. They had find common ground.

\- How can you do it Mer? How can you continue to stay so calm with your 3 children and the Derek's death ... I think you're wonderful.

\- I don't know, I mean. I've always done that. I don't have the choice. Dereck is gone. I can not change that. I have to live and raise my children. They are my strength I think.

\- I have only one daughter and a ex-wife that is not dead, and I dcan't handle it ... well I thought it was ok, before I do rush everything!

\- You react in a way, that's all. Okay, that was not the best solution. But unlike Arizona, you've done something.

\- If you say so ...

Meanwhile, Amelia opened the door of the bar, accompanied by Arizona and April. They didn't notice Meredith and Callie immediately.

\- Here, look ... It seems that having rushed the things had make something ...

\- You think?

The three women moved to a table without noticing the presence of their two colleagues at the counter.

\- I do not know, but she's with friends, she's hangin out apparently... She seems clean... Maybe she 's been thinking about her behavior...

Meanwhile, April approached the counter to order drinks. She saw Callie and Meredith.

\- Hey! Want to join us?

Callie nodded.

\- Kepner thank you, but I don't think this is a good idea. Do'nt tell her I'm here. Have fun! I ... She ... Anyway ... We talked, we put a lot of things on the table. I think it did her good. It made me good as well, but for now, she must advance without me. She has lo feel free without me.

\- As you like it ...

April joined back her table. She said nothing to Arizona and the three friends began to chat over a drink.

\- Robbins, you were great today! I see that you have not giving up on pediatric surgery!

\- Why do you say that?

\- I thought since you were in fetal surgery, you were less interested in "already born" tiny humans, replied Amelia laughing.

\- Not at all! I haven't made a lot of fetal operation since the end of my felowship. Besides, it annoys me a lot! I ... I ruined my marriage for that stuff. From a side ... I had already destroy it when i slept with Boswell...

There was a little silence that April broke:

\- You Suck as a wife Arizona!

The 3 surgeons laughed. This sound, frank and joyful laughter upset Callie.

\- You were rightGrey ... Maybe something has finally changed ...


	9. Chapter 9

A month had passed since their last appointment.

The problems about Sofia's custody was quickly settled. She was at a week Callie's and a week at Arizona's. This had relaxed the atmosphere between the two women, even if they had'nt meet a lot.

Arizona was now followed by a therapist. She was trying to understand why she had sunk and how to deal with it. She finally faced many events in her life she had tried to forget too fast. Too much suffering inside, She was thinking she was strong enough to handle it: the death of her brother, Nick, the plane crash and the horror of the waiting in the woods, the lost of her leg, her miscarriage ...

She was determined to face everything and try to understand how she had been able to cheat on her wife and to lose what characterized her for her friends and colleagues: her joy for living, her perky side.

It would take time, but she had to go to the end of the process to be able to leave past beside her and look forward peacefully.

Callie , on her side, had also think a lot. She knew now what she really felt for Arizona. The break up in the office of the therapist hadn't been such a bad thing eventually and Callie knew what she wanted now. She had take Arizona to have a drink at Joe.

She was afraid to tell Arizona what she had to say to her and at the same time she was quiet because she knew she had made the right decision and that everything was now clear in her mind.

Arizona arrived on time. She seemed relatively calm. She saw Callie and joined her.

\- Hey!

\- Hey! Hi! Sit down! You want a drink?

\- Yes why not.

Callie made a sign to the server and ordered two glasses.

\- Long watch?

-Yes, but no drama! So let's celebrate it, says Arizona.

\- Arizona, I have to talk to you.

\- Ok, well me too ...

The two women exchanged a sweet look and smiled.

\- Who starts? Callie asked.

\- The last time I spoke first, you got me a little ... it's been a little difficult to get over it. So I will listen to you ...

Callie sat up in her chair, sighed heavily and looked down.

\- I want you to listen to the end please. And no matter what I say, I hope it won't make you change what you want to tell me.

\- Ok ...

\- ... I thought, a lot. About our past, our failures, About us ... It was a really complicated. We experienced so much in less than five years. It's almost a miracle that the both of us are here now.

Arizona stared at Callie. She smiled softly, tilting her head to the side.

\- Anyway, Callie said, I know that I have make mistakes. I just wanted to try to make you go into a model in which you could not enter. I chose a family life, and I wanted to fix you so you will perfectly fit in that picture. But I have not done it consciously. I had this idea on my mind since i was a child and I thought it was how life had to be. I know that after the plane crash, you left a part of yourself in those woods. You've been through hell and everything about your leg and my broken promise worth it a lot. BUT you've made mistakes you. You were awfull to me! Ok, I didn't tell you it was Alex who cut your leg. But as I've already said, I wanted you to have a friend. You would have hated me for making the wall anyway, so better let you blame me for everything. I locked myself in the role of wife who was blamed for everything. But I did not understand how much you suffered. So as usual, I try to let it go. And as you've told me, you did not know who you were anymore. While evetything I was doing was trying to make us a life like before the crash, you were getting to know yourself, and learn to live with your new appearance. I think your affair with Boswell was the last test to see how far I could undergo in silence. But you didn't do it consciously.

She stoped a while, sighed and continued:

\- And thanks to my father, I realized that to kicked you out was'nt a solution. We had to try to save our family. But I did it too fast. We went too fast. And we were locked into this illusion of perfect family life. And then it 's been me who hadn't handle it. You have done everything to make me forgive you, sometimes awkwardly but I have no lessons to give you ... I think everything went too fast especially when we started to talk about having another baby. I think we wanted it at that time to have something in common, an adventure to live together. We didn't want this baby for good reason... But to end it, I just want you to know that I understand how you've been acting. I think that now, I know where we both are. Eventually, I know what I want and Arizona, what I absolutely want is …..

\- HEY ! Look who is here girls !

Arizona and Callie jumped.

\- Teddy! Oh my God!

\- Yep, I'm in Seattle for a few days ! Surprise !

Teddy sat, unaware she was interrupting an important conversation.

\- Why are you doing those faces! I expected a reaction a little more ... happy ?!

\- Uh, no, it's just that I ... What are you doing around here? Uh ... said Arizona.

\- Bad timing Teddy, really ... said Callie.

\- You kidding me ... I hope !

Noticing the shifty eyes of her friends, Teddy realized she wasn't very welcome at that moment.

-Oh ... Okay ... Well, I'll ... go to the hospital to say hi to Bailey ... See you there ...

She stood up, took a few steps and turned around.

\- You weren't arguing, were you ? or ... Oh no ... sorry it's none of my business ... I'm going!

\- Teddy, wait for me. I follow you I have to check in some patients.

\- Arizona! I have not finished! Callie said.

\- I ... uh yeah sorry. I'll call you back?

She grabbed Teddy's arm and headed for the exit.

\- Arizona! Callie screamed.

But the young woman went to the door, clutching herself to Teddy's arm and trying not to cry.

 **Hope you like that chapter.**

 **I'm trying to improve my english, so don't hesitate to correct me !**

 **I'd be happy to have you reviews, good or bad** !


	10. Chapter 10

\- Uh ... What are you doing Arizona?

\- Nothing ... let's go, faster, I ... I could not listen to her ... more

\- I guess I arrived in the middle of "crisis meeting" or something like that ... Sorry!

Arizona stopped walking and said :

\- Don't ... I apologize Teddy ... I have to get back to her, I have to face the reality, now !

She turned around and walked to Callie's.

\- I ... Excuse me Callie ... I was ... Afraid to face your words. But I'm here now! I'm here, I'm listening.

Callie looked at her ex-wife in the eyes and said:

\- Ok ... I ... I was telling you that I know exactly what I want in my life now. I know what I need in my life, and it's is my family by my side. And this family is Sofia ... and you.

Arizona opened big eyes of astonishment and pushed her chair back

\- I love you, that's all. I don't know why, but it's you. I've tried to go on without you but .. Well, I can live without you for a while, I can even be myself more in a sense because I am no more focused on you. But after a while, I don't know. It seems inexorable. I need you to be with you. I don't say that I want to get back with you right now. But I know that no matter who will enter in my life or in yours, you'll always be the woman of my life.

-...You're done?

-... Um yes ...

Arizona grabbed her beer and drank it. A long silence took place. Callie looked Arizona that seemed to be destabilized.

\- You ... Well that's what I wanted to tell you ... ...Didn't you have to tell me something?

\- ... Yep ... But ... uh, sighed Arizona. I don't ... You're sure of yourself?

\- Yes I am! It took me quite a long introspection to come to that conclusion, but I am sure about my feelings now.

\- But that's what you feel for the moment, not what you need...

\- That's what I need, what I feel and What I want, Arizona ... Don't you understand?

\- If ... no ... Actually I ... Wow ... I'm really happy and scared to hear such words ...

A silence settled and Callie broke it again.

\- You ... do not react more than that? And what did you want to tell me?

\- Callie, I'm still in therapy, I told you. I'm still confused. But yeah I wanted to apologize for everything I have done to you. This was what I wanted to say. And I finally understand and accept our last break up . Even if I love you like i've never love anyone else. I'm toxic for you. Our story is so chaotic. I don't even know how to explain. I'm not strong and stable enough to get back to a family life. Oh my god, I'm so complicated.

\- No, I ... think I understand.

\- I'm so stupid !

\- You aren't Arizona !

\- I love you and I'd want us to be together, with Sofia, immediately. I wish I kiss you here and now. But it would be a mistake. I need to heal.

\- I understand ...

\- No, I don't think you understand, because I have not finished ... I want you to be happy Callie, but I don't know if you will be happy with me. And worst,I dont know if I could the one that can make you happy ... And more important, I don't know if I'll be able to make you happy one day or when I can be really strong enought . I can not force you to wait for me. I've been selfish enough in our relationship. So if you meet someone, don't wait for me. Live what you have to live with this person, whether for one night or forever.

Arizona smiled and cry at the same time. Callie grabbed her hands and kissed her gently.

\- Arizona ... You've done such a long way in a month ... You were so far away from everythings, from your friends, your work and... from me ...

\- There's still many things to fix in my blondie head, but I will figure it out! I am a good man in a storm after all.

She smiled at Callie, got up, kissed his forehead and left the bar

 **The situation is clear for Callie, but still confused for Arizona.**

 **In the next chapters, she's gonna try to fix everything in her mind and to accept her past.**

 **Thanks for reading**!


	11. Chapter 11

\- Arizona Hello, Have a sit.

\- Thank you Dr. Bennet ...

\- Do you want to talk about a particular topic today? Or simply want to talk about your week?

\- I think I need to talk about all the painful episodes of my life. I have to analyze them to understand the impact they have on my actual life.

-It is a good point. A special event you want to talk about today?

-Let's Start with the oldest one.

-Which is?

-My brother' death.

\- You two were close?

\- Very close. We were together all the time ... I ... He was only had 18 months older than me . He was the eldest.

\- And did he hold his role?

\- Yes of course. We are a from military family and ... We moved very often. He was my guide. I rarely made friends because it was difficult for me to get attached to someone quickly. He was still there. He taught me everything and I was copying him: the kids silly, music, fighting, sport ... I followed him everywhere and he agreed. not like many boy who couldn't stand their little invasive sister.

\- Your relationship was ideal?

\- In a way! But we have fights, like all sibblings! he broke my wrist once and I set him a black eye more than once.

\- Your relationship hasn't changed during your teenage period?

\- Not really. We were very close. We hanging out together, often with Marins's children . And I came out to him at the first time. I verbalized my homosexuality to him, I was 14 and I was scared. He understood that I wasn't going well and it help me to confess. I ... He immediately found the right words. He supported me when I told my parents. He always told me not to hide myself, not to be ashame to be who I am and if I had any problems, he would be there to beat up people who would hurt me...

\- He was very protective?

\- He was, but not in a suffocating way. A real big brother, a friend, a confidant ...

\- He is dead in Afghanistan, in a bomb attack. How have you deal with the annoucement of his death?

\- A colleague of my father came to ring at the doorbell. ... He was in formal suit and when I opened the door, I understood immeditately what had happened. It's very cliché but ... the world collapsed around me. I fell on my knees and my father came to help me. I don't remember a lot more. I went to the hospital in a post trauma shock. I was on medication when we went to the funeral. So I have only partial memories.

\- Want to continue Arizona?

\- Yes I need to ...

\- How did you handle it?

\- It was long, painful and difficult. I was angry to my father. I accused him of forded Tim to join the army. I held responsible for his let him go to this country to war. I was upset with him. And he didn't react to my accusations or insults. He just let it all go. I wanted to have someone to blame, perhaps to soften my pain and my pain … I wanted to fight against sometning or someone...

\- What you say here is very important for understanding how you've been reacting to Callie when you lose your leg.

\- It's ... True. I need a scapegoat ... It totaly make sense !

\- Today you find it simple, but It is a journey that takes time. But be careful, do not generalize it or take this as an absolute truth.

\- I don't know ... Saying these things at out loud voice made me realize a lot of things, you know ... Like whan I blame one of my intern for the death of a patient when I worked in Hopkins . It was not his fault ... I followed that kid since he was 3 years old. And he died at 5 years ... natural cause, he was suffering from terminal cancer. But I was so hateful toward this intern ... I've even changed him of service cos the situation was impossible... and I was putting it all on him because losing that patient had really touched me ...

\- Do not think this situation works on everything you experienced Arizona.

\- When Nick, my best friend told me he was sick and he had wait several years before consulting a doctor, I held him responsible ... I have not try to understand what was going on for him ... I'm so stupid ... I am a coward.

\- Not at all. This is something that often we see. Losing a loved one in tragic circumstances always has unexpexted consequences

The discussion continued for an hour, and after it, Arizona joined Teddy for a dinner .She was exhausted by all these revelations but was excited to spent time with her friend to clear her mind. She arrived at the French restaurant chosen by Teddy, and the two friends settled.

\- I'm so glad to see 'Zona!

\- Me too! We miss you here!

\- I'm sure you've already replaced me!

\- So Are you! But your new friends are not as awesome as me! No way!

\- That's right! I miss you! But tell me everything! What's up ? The last time I spoke to you you were all "I lost the love of my life," but now you seem to have intense discussions with her... in bars ...

\- I prefer not talking about Callie currently. But ... I almost lost my minds Teddy. I screwed up ... I think ... I sank ...

\- Arizona! Why didn't you called me, or come to see me! You know ...

\- That's sweet, but you could not have done anything. I putt myself in this situation, I had to find how to stop it! I cut off with my friends, my family ... I ...

Arizona burst into tears. She realized that she hasn't been far to make a huge mistake.

\- I left too many tragic events of my past without mourn, just thinking that It wasn't usefull to do it. I didn't know how to handle it so I put them in a corner of my mind, thinking everything was ok... and everything come bask to me after that fucking accident ...

\- Arizona ... I should have been there ! You helped me when I was going wrong. We went out, we had « girl's night », and it was great! You remember?

\- Yes ... I was really 'me' at the time: dynamic, fun ...

\- It's true that now you are boring and lethargic!

The two friends laughed when Arizona's phone rang. It was a text from Callie, "I hope you 're having a good time. Have fun and take care XXX. " Arizona, let a tear slid down along her cheek.

\- What I know is that I'm getting better and better, but the road is still long ...


	12. Chapter 12

Nearly six months had passed. Arizona had continued her therapy.

She seemed to have made peace with her past and with herself. No more apologies, No more feeling guilty. She had made mistakes, she had been clumsy but had to deal with it and move foraward.

During these weeks, she hadn't seen Callie a lot. They had exchanged a few text, they saw each other at the hospital, discussed tabout Sofia. they had even worked on several patients together. The atmosphere between the two women were pacified and friendly.

Arizona still see Dr. Bennet, and she still needed it. Although appointments gradually became less frequent, she still had a few thingd to work on to be perfectly fine. During this period, she had get closer to April. The young woman was still there to support her.

This has annoyed Callie at first but she quickly realized that April was an important friend to Arizona.

Callie, meanwhile, had watched her ex-wife from far away, letting her « feel free », become The Arizona who had stolen her a kiss and her heart in the bathroom of that bar several years ago.

She had the opportunity to meet other people. She even accepted some invitations. She had responded to the insistent invitations from Dan, a police officer that she had treated as a patient. She had said nothing to Arizona, even if the she had told her not to wait for her. She had spent several nights with him. They met regularly for four weeks now, and Callie decided to talk to Arizona. But she had to speak with Dan to let him know what she was feeling.

That's what she did that night. She met him at his place.

\- Hey! How are you!

\- Hi Dan. Can i Come in ?

\- Of course!

She entered and walked to the couch.

\- Dan, I have to talk to you.

\- I'm listening ...

\- I' ve been Seeing you for some a few weeks now, but I need to talk to you about something. You know I have a little girl?

\- Yes of course! I'll be glad to meet elsewhere!

\- I told you about her father, Mark, who died in a plane crash ... but I forgot to tell you that I was married twice.

\- Ok, you know what's okay, it happens even to good people!

\- Let me finish. I was married to a man, George. It was an intern, at the same time as me. It was a kind of youth mistakes. He did not even love me ... It only lasted a few months.

\- Okay ... And your second husband was Mark?

\- No, it wasn't him. Mark was my best friend. We had an affair but nothing serious.

\- Oh ... And so this second husband ...

\- In fact, it was ... a wife ...

\- You 're kidding right?

\- Not at all. I am bisexual.

\- Seriously?

\- You're not okay with that?

\- Yeah, I mean yes off course it's ok ... But I'm a just ...surprised !

\- So my ex-wife, Arizona, is with her that I raised Sofia. Sofia also is her daughter.

\- Okay... That's a lot of revelations and many exes, laughed Dan. But you are a such a beautiful and intelligent woman, this is normal!

\- Wait I have to add something. We splitted up at my request, 1 years ago. But some time after our separation, we made the point and ...

\- And?

\- Listen I don't know what you were expecting from our relationship, but I told you from the begining, I can't commit myself seriously with you ... I'm sorry ... I ... She is my ...soul mate ... I love her! We separated several times, but each time we found our way back together. Even if it take us a long time...

\- Oh ...

\- I'm sorry, I hope you don't mind, but she invited me to dinner tonight. She went through a difficult time and needed time before considering the future. So she told me not to wait for her, to live my life. It's what I have try to do with you, but it doesn't work... I'm really sorry ... but I can not live without her. Not anymore !

\- I understand ... I don't know how she could have let you go, but she's so lucky to have you!

\- I am Lucky to have her ... Can we be friends?

\- Ok, let's be friends...

Callie stood up and walked to the door. She had to go home and get dressed before joining Arizona. Although she did not know what Arizona had to tell her, she hoped that it would be positive. Arrived home, she went to the bathroom and began to change her clothes. She was a little late. Suddenly, her beeper sounded. It was the hospital : 911 call.

\- Shit ! Not tonight!

She took her phone and tried to call Arizona to let her know what was happening, thinking she may had been called as well. No one answered, and she left a message on the voice mail:

\- Hey! This is Callie ... Look, I've just been called for an emergency. I don't know if you've been called too... So I'm on my way to the hospital. I'll call you if I have to spent a lot of time. But I'm sure I would meet you there. See you soon.

Callie put on her shoes and quickly went to the hospital. She found Meredith and Alex who took care of several patients. A reckless driver had lost control of his vehicle and had overthrown a dozen of people in the street.

\- Torres, follow me! Miranda Bailey told Callie . I have a young woman in a mess! 25, several fractures, including one open on her right leg.

\- Ok, I'm with you.

Callie was scrubing in when She met April.

\- Kepner ,Hi!

\- Hey! But what are you doing here?

\- I've been paiged... And why are you so surprised to see me. It's a car accident... I'm an orthopedic surgeon... Can be usefull...

\- Sure! it's just ... Arizona told me about your dinner ...

\- Kepner ...

\- I ... I didn't say anything ... Maybe She's on wer way too. She's been paged, there are children , and a pregnant woman arriving, so...I think ...

Callie quickly change her clothes and smiled.

\- If you see her before me, Can you tell her I'm here, and that ...

\- And?

\- No, nothing more! I'll tell it myself !

She rushed to the OR where Bailey waited for her. As she was walking trought the corridors, she heard Alex screaming her name :

\- Torres, where's Torres ? Find her ! Fast !

She turn over and went on her way to meet in. Meredith arrived , in a hurry and saw her.

\- Callie ! Come with me please !

She followed Meredith and told her

\- I... I already have to go to the OR with Bailey for an open fracture... So i can just give you an advice quickly...

\- No Callie, it's not what you think...

They arrived in a room where Alex was working on someone.

\- Try 300 ! Clear ?!

He was shocking a blonde woman. As Callie arrived, Owen joined her and told her :

\- It's Arizona... She's a victim of the accident. It's serious...

…...

 **Hope you'll enjoy that chapter. More drama for AZ .**

 **Could end well, could end bad... What would you prefer ? let me know ^^**


	13. Chapter 13

The total chaos.

It is often said that your life flash back to you when you're about to die.

Arizona was conscious at her arrival In the ER. She was a little lost but didn't complain about anything.

It's Alex who take her out of the ambulance. She had lost her prosthesis in the violence of the accident.

\- Robbins! But what were you doing there!

\- Karev, it's not of your business!

\- You are ok? I mean you can tell me more?

The paramedic began before Arizona could said a word:

\- Young woman victim of the accident. She is disabled and lost her prosthetic in the collision. Was unconscious when we arrived, we reanimated her and she is responding since. Complaining of pain to the neck, ribs. Many wounds on the body. Her left shoulder was dislocated. Her residual leg is also open. We stopped the bleeding temporarily.

\- Ok, let's look at it quietly Alex said advancing near the stretcher.

They settled in a quiet corner to avoid that Arizona's colleagues will come and ask her if she was okay. Owen Hunt had just arrived. He went up alongside the surgeon.

\- Arizona! You're okay?

\- Yes, well I've been better ...

Hunt immediately headed Karev for more news.

\- Karev talk to me!

\- She has a fractured shoulder, numerous bruises ... Several broken ribs and a large wound on her left leg ...

\- Her residual leg?

\- Yes ...

\- You did a scan?

\- No, I was going to . She lost consciousness at the scene. Several minutes.

\- She looks pretty disoriented right?

\- Not disoriented but a little … lost ?

Karev approached her.

\- We'll have to do a brain scan.

\- Ok. You're the doctor it's up to you ... ..

She had said these words she began to convulse. Karev managed to stop the crisis and to calm her down.

\- Robbins? Robbins? Arizona ? You hear me?

She opened her eyes a moment and pointed over her neck with her hand. Karev asked Meredith's help to put Arizona on the side and check what she tryed to show them. They quickly realized that the situation was serious. She was bleeding from the back of her head and seem to fell apppart.

\- Torres, get Torres !

Arizona began to convulse. This time, they didn't stop the crisis. She began to vomit and Jo , Owen and Karev were trying to contain her.

\- But what the hell ?

\- An epidural hematoma ?

\- Meredith found Torres quickly!

\- We need to intubate, hurry up!

Meredith went in search of Callie not knowing exactly where she was.

The state of Arizona was stabilized even if she had been intubated and was still unconscious. Karev would move the bed to scan when her pulse deteriorated.

\- Fuck! Not that!

Moments later Meredit arrived, accompanied by Callie.

\- What? But ... No, no! Arizona? What is she doing here? Karev?

Owen approached her and asked her to back off.

\- Dr. Torres, against the wall please ...

Callie stepped back but could not get het eyes of Arizona.

\- We suspect an extra dural hematoma. We block an OR, Shepperd will be here in a minute.

\- But ... I want sto scrubb in. Please do ... I can ...

\- No Callie, you can't. I know you are no longer together but since you have a daughter together, you are family. So you won't get in that OR.

She asked simply to go with her to the OR, Owen gave his agreement.

Karev managed to regain regular heart pulse and would raise the bed to lead Arizona to Amelia Shepperd. Callie took her hand.

\- Arizona ... Be strong! Please do! Fight! Sofia and ... I ...need you.

With tears in her eyes, she look at Arizona's body to see the extent of damage. She noticed right away the fracture of the shoulder and the gaping wound on the left leg of her ex wife.

\- You're going to be ok, I'm sure!

Checking the scanner, Karev was about to enter the room. Meanwhile, Arizona opened slowly her eyes. Callie always by her side, she grabbed her hand and stroked her hair.

\- Arizona, you ... you've been hit by a car. You remember?

She nodded. She realized she was intubated and start to move.

\- No No! Calm down! They think you have an epidural hematoma. That's what makes you lose consciousness. You're in the best hands. You'll have a cerebral scan and everything will be alright, I'll pr ... I'll be there.

Callie had changed her words. She could not promise anything, and she couldn't pronounce words that had cost her so much last time.

\- Until everything gets better I'll be there! I won't leave you alone!

Karev came back to the bed and pushed it to install Arizona in the scanner room.

\- I'm here Robbins. Don't worry. We are all here to help you.

... ... ...

Hours later, Amelia and Alex came out of the OR and led Arizona in intensive care.

\- Karev! How is she?

Owen had forbidden to Callie to attend the intervention. Alex did not answer her and continued on his way, pushing the bed of Arizona. Owen left the OR and turned to Callie.

\- She is stable.

\- Tell me more !

\- Listen Callie ... I can't tell you anything more ...

\- Are you kidding?

\- You are nothing to her! I'll call her parents.

\- Hunt! This is my ... ex-wife and ... I ... We have a daughter together. And I am a doctor in this hospital.

\- She's your ex partner ... You weren't actually married ... You broke your domestic partnership contract, so ...

\- What do you mean Owen! Meredith said ! You know that things are not that simple! You could be more sensitive!

Owen sighed and agreed to what Meredith had said.

\- You're right ... I'm sorry Callie. It's just that ...

\- What?

\- I think you have been very hard on Arizona since your divorce ... I know this is not of my business, and I don't know your life well enough to judge anything ... But that's what I feel ... But Meredith is right, ... I apologize ... I have to call her parents …

\- I will do it, please.

\- As you like it...

He walked away, leaving Meredith and Callie without specific answers about the surgery.

\- She should be allright, Amelia replied in leaving the OR. She scared us. There was a major cerebral hematoma. It began to swollen, Causing seizures and all other complications. We have reduced and controlled it. But the shock seam to have been very hard. Concerning her other injuries, her shoulder was broken. It was stabilized. Her left leg has suffered too. I think she was dragged on the ground for some distance. There was an ugly wound that should be monitored closely. I hope it will be ok for putting on her prosthetic.

\- And this hematoma ... There may be sequels?

\- That's the whole problem. I'm positive, but according to firefighters she had lost consciousness for a while. The cerebral Hematoma is gone. It has been absorbed and there is no more risk of bleeding or intracranial pressure. But the brain is such a complex and fragile organ that I can't guarantee anything. But go to her Callie. She will not wake up right away but I think she will be happy to have you at her side when she wakes up.

…...

 **Hope you'll like it.**  
 **I'm aware there's might be inconsistency regardind the injuries and their consequesnces.**  
 **I'm not a doctor, but I tried to do my best to explain what I meant!**

 **I apologize again for my english. I'm doing my best to improve my writting!**

 **So, let me reviews bad or good!**

 **I'm begining a new Calzona FF next week, more fun, with no drama. Hope you'll like it.**  
 **I Will going wit this one to, don't worry!**


	14. Chapter 14

It has been 10 days since the accident.

Arizona's state was unchanged. She was in a coma and didn't wake up.

She was closely followed by Alex and Owen. He regularly came to check on her. Barbara Robbins had arrived the day after the accident and stay at the bedside of her daughter. Callie came to visit every day for news. She had just spoken a little to Barbara because she thought it was not her place.

Reaching the room that morning, she met Owen and she asked him for news.

\- Nothing new since the last time. But don't worry, it's a matter of days before she opens her eyes. She is strong, it's just that after the shock her brain needs rest. What worries us is the wound of the left leg. It became infected and antibiotics are not working. We will try a new treatment today, that should stop it.

\- 10-day coma Owen ... This is serious ... I mean ... The sequels ... There may be some consequences ...

Tears came to Callie's eyes. She was thinking to worst scenarios and avoid hoping for a positive coming.

\- Sofia asked me lots of questions and I don't know what to say. I just told her that her Mama is sick and she can not see her yet ... But she knew it's not normal ...

\- Callie ... I ... I do not know what to say. Amelia is positive. Brain activity is intact. For now, there is nothing to suggest that there will be consequences.

They turned to the window of the room and watched Arizona, lying, inert, her mother holding her hand. She noticed Callie and asked her to enter. Callie opened the door and walked by the bed. She held her tears and ran a hand through the curly blond hair of the woman who used to share her life.

\- I'm sure that if she wakes up, she will say she only got what she deserved, says Barbara

\- What are you talking about?

\- This accident ... I think in her mind she has done a something wrong , and that accident is a punishment. She has always been like that, since childhood. When she had a problem, it was because she had done something wrong. She doesn't really believe in God, but she always had that thought.

_ She never told me about this ...

\- She doesn't speak of it. She's like her father. It is a mixt of pride and a need to not depend on anyone. She keeps it all. You know if Daniel did not come, it's not because he isn't worried or because he couldn't come ... It's because he was ashamed to meet you.

\- But why?

\- He has not forgiven her daughter to have cheated on you.

\- You know, we split up because we had each other made mistakes. This one was a big deal, but I also have have responsibilities in our divorce.

\- Thank you for being there for her Callie.

\- This is normal ... I ... we ... Callie stopped tzlking and began to cry. Barbara joined her and took her in her arms.

-Come take a look! A coffee will be a good thing for us.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Miranda Bailey crossed the two women in the corridor and asked for news.

She decided to visit Arizona at the same time. Upon entering the room, she began to talk to her.

\- Robbins Hey, how are you?

She came and took the hand of her friend and colleague.

\- You know, the pediatric unity is not the same without you. I don't like to go there when you aren't here. You always find something to say to annoy me.

She took the file and examined every detail.

\- Why is that happening to you again?

She noticed that Arizona began to move her head. She approached and began to understand that she was waking up.

\- Arizona? Arizona? You hear me? Come On! Wake up! Slowly, we wait for you here!

Arizona frowned and shook her head. She blinked and finally kept her eyes open.

Bailey called the team on duty and asked them to look for Callie and Barbara Robbins.

She took the hand of her friend and tried to stimulate the maximun reactions.

\- Arizona? You can watch me? You had an accident and you had several surgeries. Arizona? Do You hear me?

... ...

\- This is called a waking state. She came out of the coma. She opened her eyes spontaneously. Now we must wait until all her mental faculties snap back in order. This is a period of adjustment in some ways.

\- But is she going to be able to interact with us?

\- I hope so. I can not guarantee when. But there are already some developments. Her eyes are responsive and her brain activity shows nothing abnormal.

Amelia left Arizona's room and approached Callie who stood behind the window.

\- Callie, you should get some rest. It won't change anything if you stand there.

\- No, you don't understand. I want to be there. I want to see every progress, I just want to be by her side when she wake up.

\- She's awake. She can hear and understand everything that is happening around her.

\- When she was in a coma, I talked to her for hours. I held her hand, I told her about Sofia ... But see her like that, eyes wide open, unreponsive ... I can't handle it! She Looks like a living dead.

\- Don't say that!

\- I ... I know but that's how I feel. After the plane crash, she disappeared. I mean, her personality was gone. I did not recognize her. After the amputation, she stayed for days in bed. She had that wide eyes. Nothing affected her, she was not even crying. It ...

\- It has nothing to do with it. She was in shock. There, she slowly comes out of a coma. Stay with her. I'll go for a walk with her mother. We'll let you together.

Amelia asked Barbara to come with her, leaving the room for Callie with Arizona. She sat down and took her hand.

\- Hey ... Amelia said you can hear everything. So I'll tell you one thing Arizona Robbins! I love you. I'm waiting for you. Your daughter is waiting for you too. Then move up and wake up!

SHe seemed to feel a slight pressure in Arizona's hand.

\- You ... You really did that? Or it was just a contracture? I don't know. I'm sorry ... I can't see you like this ...

Callie started crying and left the room.

.. .. .. ...

For three days, Callie couldn't go to se Arizona. Barbara had gone home the night before and would return the following week with her husband.

Callie doesn't have the strength to see her lying on this hospital bed.

Arriving at the hospital that morning, she was greeted by Bailey.

\- You could respond to your messages! I tried to call you at least thirty times!

\- I only answer my pager.

_ She woke up there 2 hours!

Callie rushed to the Arizona room immediately. She took a breath and opened the door.

Arizona was sitting inher bed, surrounded by Amelia and Alex.

_ Hey!

Arizona turned her head slowly and smiled. Amelia walked worm Callie and led her into the hallway.

\- Tell me everything Shepperd!

\- she's fully awake. It happened there two hours.

\- I know. How is she?

\- We were just finishing the tests. Physically, she's fine. The wound is still not healed but her shoulder is fine.

\- And cerebrally?

\- Don't worry, there's somme little things, but it's normal. She has some difficulty speaking, using the good words. It is not a sequel to the accident, her faculties are intact. It's just that during the shock, her brain was shaken and that some things have been erased. It's as if someone had pressed the reset button for a few things. she has the capacity to do it but she forgot how to do it. For example it has forgotten how to walk. It is not innate for her. She will have to relearn it. She does not know how to eat. She will have to learn it again. She has no problem of amnesia. So it will take a little time to rehabilitation, but she'll be fine.

Callie sighed in relief. She returned to the bedroom and asked Alex to call the Arizona's parents. So she found herself alone with her.

\- Hey, how are you? You want me to let you rest?

\- No, I need to ...

\- To speak?

Arizona sighed

\- Amelia explained. She says it ...will be ...good. I feel like crap...

\- It'll take time, but you'll get there. We will all be there to help you. I'll be there to help you!


	15. Chapter 15

**A little sweet chapter after the drama.**  
 **Hope you'll enjoy it.**  
 **Don't hesitate to leave reviews, bad or good.**

 **...**

\- I feel useless ...so weak..

\- Take your time! I know it's not in your nature, but you don't have the choice.

\- April, you can't understand. I have to focus ... for every little activity. I have to ... think about the words that I will use in a sentence ...because I forget what I say ...

\- It will ok! You've been trought so much more hard situations! And everyone will be there to help you! You have to accept that we support you! Don't close the doors as you've done after the crash!

Arizona held back his tears. She didn't want to be seen that vulnerable. She had to bear the complacent looks after her amputation and didn't want to live the same thing. She was determined to do everything to move forward and accept her friend's help. She was rarely alone. Her colleagues went to see her oftenly to boost up her motor and mental functions.

All these activities much tired her a lot but she was trying to fight to get back all her capacities as soon as possible.

\- And this wound that doesn't heal ...! I'm sick of it April. I'm tired. I don't know ... Why it's happened to me? I can not walk. ! I can not move ... me ... I can't use that wheelchair on my own because... of my... shoulder.

The day had been long and exhausting for Arizona. She could no longer remain positive. She threw the glass of water that was next to her against the wall. At the same time, someone knocked at the door.

\- I don't want to see anybody!

\- Ok, I'll see who it is, said April

April headed for the door. It was Callie who came for news and spend time with her.

\- Hey Kepner ...

\- Hey ... I'm sorry but I do'ot think it's a good idea for you to came in...

\- Excuse me? What? I enter this room if I want! You did ...

\- She is not felling well. She is angry. So if you don't want to worth it, I advise you not to go see her. Not now. Not when she is in that mood ...

\- It's nice of you to try to preserve her, but I've seen her at her rock bottom after the crash.

Callie passed April and entered the room.

\- Hello there, she said in a very soft voice.

Arizona looked at her and smiled.

\- Hey ...

\- Rough day?

\- Yes I Do ...

\- You must rest Arizona. You know your daughter is coming to see you in two days, then you have to be healthy! You'll have lots of hugs and kisses to catch up!

Arizona smiled. She always smiled when she thought of Sofia. The simple fact to say her name gave her strength back.

\- Don't you think it's too soon?

\- Not at all. Amelia agreed. She even thinks that this can be beneficial for your healing.

\- This time I'm a little less nasty .. at least you do not have to bear ... my anger.

Callie was surprised at this confession. They had had this conversation 100 times. At every evocation, it brought back unpleasant memories into their memoriess. This crash had led so many consequences in their relationship. It had destroyed it slowly. Arizona had completely disappeared for months. She had become a stranger to Callie. She had done everything to keep Callie away from her. Reconciliations that had followed had not held. Only the time that had passed had managed to make things easier.

But seeing the woman she loved back into such suffering scared a little Callie.

She would be there to help her in his way, but try not to be as intrusive as last time.

\- You won't get rid of me, she said, smiling.

\- Callie ... I can't tell you ... you ... you ...

\- I will be there. We need you to take your time. Fixed up small goals every day. You can talk to Amelia, it's her job, she will tell you what to do. But please, don't rush it!

\- You're right... Can we..?

Arizona turned her head toward the wheelchair. Callie knew at once that she wanted a walk.

\- Of course ... Let's go!

... ... .. ... ... ... ..

They left the room, Callie pushing the wheelchair.

Arizona sighed in the first meters, already imagining the nurses and the hospital staff looking at her with pity.

\- Let's go to the cafeteria. It will be quiet at this hour.

\- Ok, let's go

Callie smiled while pushing the wheelchair. She knew that Arizona was a big step to get out of her room, being in front of everyone.

\- Coffee?

\- That's perfect.

They settled in the room that was almost empty. Callie sat next to her and after some hesitation, took her hand. Arizona did not resist and smiled. They intertwined their fingers shyly. Callie put her mouth on Arizona's hand and closed her eyes. She stayed like that for a long time.

\- Sorry ... I should not ...

\- Don't apologize. I need ... that. Only that.

Callie couldn't hold back a tear. She wiped it quickly and got up to catch the coffee.

Arizona was totally peacefull. She was very affected by this simple sign from Callie. She felt Callie was trying to tame her, and it suited her completely. Rediscover each other slowly. That's what they should do.

Callie's phone rang and broke a little the magic of the moment.

\- I answer quickly, It won't be long.

She walked away. It was her father who asked for news of Arizona.

The conversation lasted only a few minutes.

When she joined Arizona, she had fallen asleep in her chair.

Callie smiled and whispered in her ear:

\- So there's not only me who smiles in my sleep ...


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for all your reviews, views. Please tell me what you think, it will help me improve the story.**

 **Hope so much a Calzona reunion in season 12... So, waiting for that, i'm writing Fan Fictions ^^**

... ... .. .

\- Then what ? You want to get back to her ? After so long ? After all you've been trought ? I think it was clear for both of you ? And don't you think you've got other things to think about right now ?

\- I may be a little... I may be « off » for the moment but mind your own business Altman !

\- Hey ! You should be nicer with your BFF ! And I'm just saying …

\- Yep. Just saying crap. Did I told you that... I was going to... get back with her ?

\- Nope. But I know you both well enought. And by all the things you're telling me, I'm sure that … You Know...

\- No... I don't !

\- Well, I won't say a word more because Ms Robbins is grumpy today...

\- Grumpy... Well that's an understatement! You'd be thrilled to be me, would'nt you Teddy ! Arizona screamed on the phone.

\- Hey ! Calm down ! I haven't called you to be bawled out !

-… I'm sorry.

\- It's allright...

\- No it's not ! I'm .. acting like a jerk with... friends, coworkers, family. And all of you keep saying that is ok. But it 's not !

\- Ok, so it's not Ok.. And so what. We want me to scream to ? Yeah ! It suck ! Yeah you've got to go to a very long rehab, yeah you can't walk for the moment ! And yeah everything is hard and everybody is looking at you with empathy. And I know that you hate that. But you have to suck it up and work hard to be back quickly. And Yeah, I'd like to be there by your side, to support you but I can't right now ! So if you don't want me to listen to you once a time, stop taking my calls, or stop calling me !

\- … Ok...

\- Ok what ?

\- … I'll be back fast enought to kick your ass !

The two friends laughed and Arizona cried at the same time. Callie was behind the doors and had heard everything because the phone was on speaker. She knew how much Teddy was important for Arizona. She was more than a friends. She was family. Like a big sister who was looking after her even when she was on the other side of the planet.

When she realised the conversation was done between the two friends, she entered Arizona's room.

-Hey !

-Hey, Arizona said back.

-So, how are you today ?

\- It's ok.

-Amelia told me you were recovering fast. She told me that your speaking is better. You're no longer looking for your words.

-That's a little easier... But my motricity still a mess...

-I can understand ? Remember after the car accident ?

\- How can I forget ?

-So be patient. And everyhting will come back naturally. You'll have your life back, your job back and it wiil be great.

-Yeah. Having my job back.. That's the only thing I really to fight for. And for Sofia too.

Callie was a little desapointed. Arizona didn't mentionned her in the reason to fight for a fast recovery.

\- Yeah, Sofia is waiting to have her mama back soon...

-What's wrong ?

-N... Nothing.

\- Callie, you've get tears in your eyes ? What is it about ?

-Nothing, long day, she said, smiling sadly.

\- You're sure ?

\- Uh... No... I thought you... Nevermind, forget it.

\- No, tell me...

-I thought you'd fight for something else.

-Callie...

-I know... But I told you what I want. And when that fricking accident happen, you were about to told me what you... What we're gonna be...

-I know that...

-So, I still don't know what you're up to, for us... And clearly, all that had happening hasn't change my mind. I want us back together, with Sofia, our house... Despite what you've been thinking after what I told in the therapist office, I know that You're the one for me. And We can live happy together, with our painful past. We let it on a side of the road, and we start over.

-Starting over, again... Callie, I'd like to... But after everything ! We need to be very careful... We have to listen to each other, we need help to begin on solid bases.

-You mean another therapy.

-A therapy, a support group, rules between us... I don't know ? But What i'm sur, is that If we get back together, I want to do it in the best way possible. I'll die if I'd lost you another time. I want you to be happy, crazy, free. I want you to live a life that you enjoy. And If you think that I have to be a part of that life, I'll be more than happy to follow you.

Callie smiled. She couldn't help herself but smiled. She looked at Arizona, and breathed deeply.

-You'll be in « that » life ! And we'll do whatever it'll take to make things in the best way for both of us, and for our girl !

-And for our upcoming baby !

-What ?

-When we split up, you thought that I didn't want another baby. But That has never been true. I wished it ! Deeply ! And I still wish it !

-But... You've been telling me that we have to take our time... and Now you want...

-… I know what I want. And please, listen to me. I'm saying that I want another baby, but Not immediately. When things will be clear and when i'll be on my feet again. You get it ?

-I totally get it... I love you so much.

-Me too. I love you. But there's still a long way to go Calliope.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello ! This will be the last chapter finally.**  
 **Thanks for your reviews !**

For several weeks, Arizona was struggling to be back as soon as possible.

She followed every advice her doctors give hers and tryed not to rush herself.

It was very hard and exhausting but she was doing great. She had decided to join a rehabilitation center to have the best staff working with her.  
It was a litlle far from Seattle, about an hour drive, but she needed to focus on her healing.  
Callie and Sofia visited her twice a week. She had asked Callie not to come more.  
As they now knew that they wanted to start over and that they still love each other, she wanted to be totally back on her feet before getting back to her girls.

She was in her room, reading a book when a nurse entered.

\- Dr Robbins, you've got a visitor.

Arizona was surprised. It wasn't Callie's day and she wasn't aware that someone was coming. It was Amelia.

\- Hey Robbins ! How are you ?

\- Hi ! I'm fine. What are you doing here ?

\- I'm visiting, checking on you.

\- That's kind of you.

\- I'm your doctor after all, Amelia laughed. I'm glad you're doing great.

\- So, you've done a good job with me. I can walk again now ! Not too long, but I can do it.

\- Arizona was smiling. It had been one of her biggest fear but she was now able to stand up with her prosthetic and to walk.

\- That's great Robbins ! But I'm also here to see how you are … You know... Mentally...

Amelia was worried since she has discovered that Arizona had taking too much pain killer for a while.

\- It's totally over. I wasn't really addicted, so it's been nearly easy to stop it. And I'd like to thank you.

\- Why ? I've done nothing...

\- You've talked sincerely with me. Everybody was so...patronizing with me... But you've gave me your real point of view, and it really help me. So thank you !

\- You welcome ! So what about now ? What's your plan ?

\- Well, uhm... First I need to work here a little more. And after that... I can't wait to get back to work !

\- And on the other side ?

\- That's another story. A few monts ago, i was asking myself how to get away with love. I was totaly lost. But now, I think that everything is going to be allright ! I've got a beautiful daughter, Callie's ready to start over... And we already have a lot of plans... So yes, I cas say now that you can' get away with love...


End file.
